Once again Tony is in Michigan for a week for work. It makes me think of the line in "Return to Me" starring David Duchovny and Minnie Driver where he says "I miss Elizabeth, I'll always miss her. But I ache for Grace." If you've never seen the movie..do so..its an awesome love story. Anyway, that's how I feel when Tony is gone.
Here on the home front...I've gained 3 lbs. Plus I am dealing with a severely allergic dog. Yep, it turns out Bailey, our 3 yr old yellow lab has severe allergies. Right now the vet is using Prednasone to settle them down. However, preds are a 'step-down' medicine and as soon as I took her off of the full dose, she started chewing on herself again. In the three weeks that she has been on the medicine we have gotten back to daily obsessive licking, obsessive itching of the ears and lack of sleep at night. Except now her bowels have softened to the point of almost diarrhea and she pee's about a gallon at each shot. She drinks constantly, I can't keep her bowl full enough. And she's eating me out of house and home. We are now buying two bags of food a week.
I've spoken with the lady that owns the boarding kennel that the dogs stay at. She works for the vet that cares for our dogs. She said she had the same thing happen to her and that she ended up having to put the dog down. She spent a year and about a $1000.00 and did everything that she could do and ended up putting her down. Folks, I don't have a $1000.00 to spend on a dog. I love Bailey. She has the sweetest disposition even if she is a 'dumpster diver'. She loves to be loved, but I am being placed in the position of having to put a price tag on a pet. I can't ask Tony about this. He'll just agree with whatever my decision is cuz I deal with all of our finances. If I say that we can't afford the maintenance for special food and drugs every month...he won't argue.
I feel like I'm playing god with this dog. I feel like somehow I'm letting my God down by not being able to fully take care of 'one of the least of these'. Is there something more I could do? I don't want to hand her off to another family to get used to. We are her third family as it is. Our vet said that her allergies may be the reason that we are her third family. Allergies which we had no knowledge of. And now that she's been on preds for a while I can see that they were giving them to her before and didn't say a word about it. Very deceptive. At least I'm not just passing her around. I know this is sad to say, but I would find it more merciful to put her down than to keep passing her from family to family never finding a real home because she's sick.
It really boils down to money. There is just no way that I can pay our bills, keep food in our house and take care of Bailey's medical needs. I just can't. As it is, we haven't really bought food for a week or two because of having to take Bailey to the dr, get her medicine, and keep her in food. Thank god we had a full pantry at the time or we'd have been hurting. Argh. Saying that I feel like such a pauper.
I'm just going to quit whining now. God is my source. I just have to remember that. He will give me joy and make a way where there is no way.