Today was my first day at my new/old job. I am now working for my girlfriend, again. I worked for her a few years ago, but when I opened my yarn store, I stopped. Well, with the yarn store up for sale and me needing to get off of my dad's payroll....I am now working there again. My real talents lie in the 'bookkeeping' and 'receptionist' end of business. Invoicing, A/R, Collections, Answering phones, etc. I am only working two days a week for now. Which is a pay cut, but God is my source, right?
Anyway, my day started as normal. Cup of coffee, journal, bible. Then it hit me that I am starting a new job. A real job. I have to pack my lunch. My kids won't be there. I can't knit or crochet. I have to relearn things. And slowly I began to panic, I began to stress out and then I began to cry. It's 7pm and when I think about how much my life is changing and going to continue to change, the panic starts to creep up my throat and tears spring in my eyes.
Why? What is there to panic about? I made it through my first day with flying colors. One reason I think I panic is that I don't like idle time at work, it makes the day go so slowly. Being new in the office I don't always just 'know' what to do. I hate constantly having to ask, what next? what next? what next? Thankfully today they kept me busy the whole day with invoicing and deposits and all that. But, in one day I caught up on all the 'behind' stuff. Now what???? Lord, thank you that my days will be full of activity! That and teach me how to pace my self so that I don't burn through all my work in the first half of the day!
Second reason I think I panic is that my kids are at the store with my mom and I am not. I don't have an issue that my mom is there...it's that I'm not. I used to look forward to the days when the kids would go school at mom's and I was at the store by myself...and all of a sudden I'm having separation anxiety? None of it makes sense. I am usually very confident. I have nothing to fear. Maybe it's not so much the separation from my kids, but from my store? This little separation is probably God preparing me so that when my store sells I don't internally combust instead of just coming apart at the seams a little bit.
On to other equally depressing things...
Christmas at my brother's was not great. It was stressful and irritating. My parents didn't have a good time and Tony and I didn't have a good time. We will not be traveling to visit them during football season again. I'll let that explanation be enough.
Also, we weren't supposed to be buying gifts for adults this year, only the kids. Well, my parents and my brother/SIL cheated. They got Tony and I a new KitchenAid. We appreciate it, we love it...but they cheated. So, I guess we won't do that rule anymore, cuz my family can't honor it.
I'm wracking my brain to think of something uplifting to end this post with.
Stefani is doing a demonstration at her 4H Youth Leader meeting tonight about Leukemia. Which is cool. I think it helps her. She is talking about bone marrow aspirations, spinal taps, port o caths and her bravery beads. I hope it goes over well. Tony decided to just stay at the meeting with them tonight...so I'm all alone.
I'm going to go knit. :)
- I am 45. I am married to the love of my life. Together we have two beautiful young adults who bring me joy everyday. In 2015 we added another beautiful young adult to our house, our niece, and she has been a great joy! Secretly, I'm counting the years till grandbabies start coming; they just need to find their forever loves first.