Friday, April 20, 2012

Happy Birthday My Love

Today, my love turns 40. I am finally not the only old one in the house. :-) We are having a simple celebration tonight with smothered pork chops, skin on mashed potatoes and sautéed green beans. I ordered a cake from Publix....white with a fudge filling and buttercream frosting. Can you say Yum?? The kids bought him a gift certificate to a buck and bass shop close to the house. Tony doesn't like hunting, but he likes shooting bow and needs a few things. My parents will be here in just about a week, so we are waiting until they get here to go try out a restaurant called Mesquite Charley's for his special birthday dinner.

So this morning, I had a totally unintended meltdown in front of my kids. With all these secrets and the planning for his birthday to make it special, even though he hates making a big deal out his birthday, I kind of fell apart. I turned 40 in November and it was just another day on the calendar. We did go out for Chinese, but that's because I decided I was going to eat there for my birthday. No one made a cake. I think I got a card, I can't remember. I treated myself to a haircut with some birthday money from my Inlaws. My mom and dad sent me a pair of beautiful ruby earrings. My husband planned nothing. Not a cake, not a meal, no collaboration with my kids for a present. Some time after my birthday had passed, I had to tell my husband what I would like and I had to take he and my kids to the mall so they could buy it. Then walk around the mall like 'oh gee, I wonder what my husband and kids could be doing?'

I feel like snipey, whiney, oh poor me victim. I also feel like 20 years together should mean something. Something more than it obviously does. I don't ask for anything other than time. I do not expect gifts, flowers, candies, weekends away, romance of any kind. Maybe that is why today, as I plan little things to make my husbands 40th birthday something special even though we don't have a lot of money to do big things, I feel like somehow I just don't matter. Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I should have been like other people I know who demand diamonds on their birthday regardless of their finances. But, that's not me. I've been advised "men need to be trained. They need to be told. They need to be reminded." I'm tired of training, telling and reminding. It's been 20 years for Gods sake.

There are times when I tell him I would like a kiss good night and he just lays there and makes no effort. I just want him to lean over, but no, he sticks his lips out and says 'here ya go baby'. I know he's playing around, but I refuse to always do the work. So I will lay down with no kiss. And he lets me. I finally told him once, "someday I'm going to die and you are going to regret all those chances you had to kiss me and didn't."

So....Happy Birthday My Love. I hope your milestone birthday turns out better than mine did.


  1. I know how you feel, I have been through that plenty of times. I have been married for only 7 years (second time around) and he wouldn't do anything for me either. My adult children would plan any parties for me, oh he would pay for them, but not until the kids ask what he was going to do for my birthday. Although older than you I finally got smart and decided that if I am going to enjoy things like my birthday I would have to do it on my own. And since I have great friends I spent my last birthday with them, having a birthday dinner and cake...and without my husband. I will not allow him to enjoy or participate in my fun anymore since I guess he doesn't care. He seems to care about himself and frets about himself, and I am not his mother to fuss over him like he thinks I should. Life is too short and I am important to me. And I say enjoy you!! You are not to blame for anything except missing out on making yourself happy. Enjoy life!

  2. Biz,
    Let the love of you life know exactly how you feel,(and sometimes it is time to be "not so nice" about it.) Also, let him read this post and this comment:
    "To Husband of Biz: Wake up pal. It's time to realize that the world doesn't only revolve around you. Sometime, and I know this from experience, you might be alone, having lost your Dear Biz way before it was time. I have been alone for almost 5 years, my late wife's birthday is Wednesday, 4/25, and I sure wish she was here so I could celebrate it with her. Now, I will go to the cemetery with flowers and just stop and remember!"
    Biz, well maybe you hadn't ought to let him read this, but it might serve as a "wake up" call.

    Happy Birthday last November!



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