Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Finding My Center

Today, I crochet for the sake of therapy and sanity.

My mind is unsettled. I am not mad, sad or unhappy....just unsettled. For two reasons, the first being that I made a mistake at work that could have been potentially disastrous, financially. I paid some bills (...big bills) and neglected to post them to the checkbook on the computer....bad, bad, bad.... And now, the money that is coming in from large sales this week has to go to cover my mistakes instead of going for other things. *facepalm*

The second being that my son is having a hard time in school right now. My kids attend an online high school that is proving to be a great school for them. My son, for lack of a better word, pretended he was doing his school while letting his mind wander and doing nothing. Then, he would take his regular breaks and the like....just wouldn't turn in any of his work.

Well, I decided to see how they were doing through the parent controls and discovered all of this late work. I told him to catch himself up. He was only a day or two behind. He ignored me. I told him then that he had one week to get caught up or deal with loss of beloved gaming systems, etc.....should have been easy...nope. While I was 'grilling' him about why wasn't he getting anything done and what the heck was he doing all day??, he said to me "Mom, your little grilling sessions aren't making me move any faster." I almost killed the boy. So, instead of murder, I chose to have a 'punishment' day.

Last Saturday he had to do school and chores all day. No free time. No TV. No computer time. I made him take his favorite stuff from his room and put it in my room (all purely symbolic, this was only one day). Then he would do school for a 1/2 hour, we'd do a chore for a 1/2 hour...just to keep the day broken up. It went fast. It wasn't as miserable as he thought it would be, but decided that he didn't want to give up another whole Saturday like that. He got every thing caught up except Spanish.

So, I thought he was cured. I thought he'd get caught up in Spanish on Monday and then quick catch himself up on the rest of the things he might have gotten behind on today. Apparently not. Once again, I checked his work. It took him two days to complete and hand in about 4 things. He is continually getting further and further behind in Spanish, as well as, all of his other classes, which he is now behind in AGAIN. And then come to find out he has 0's on a few assignments in various classes because he didn't follow directions. When I tell my kids "redo this assignment because the teacher has suggested that you do that so you can get a higher grade", they all but thumb their nose at me and say "no". I am at my absolute wits end. I have nothing left in me. I'm so overwhelmed by his (and sometimes her) absolute lack of desire/will to do well that I just want to cry.

Just get the *&^%&*!@ work done!!! How hard is this???

My time is so limited right now. My schedule is so full. But, if I have to sit next to him and force him to complete every assignment, I will. Thank you, God, for the strength I need not to strangle him.